Depression

Two things strike me when I'm in the midst of a bout of depression: the indifference, and the "greyness". Every motion,every action, every reaction is not ever with any fervour; there is no earnest. Also, one loses the will to fight--old, practiced arguments are surrendered early on. There is not hatred, no infuriation, no anger. Just bland lolling around, doing nothing. Nothing is interesting, or, perhaps more correctly, one is not interested in anything at all. Food, internet, a good read, all these things that would stimulate me into a buzz usually are all bland, grey. One finally understands the saying "tastes like ash". Ash. Greyness. Blandness. The greyness is peculiar though, its as if someone Photoshopped the whole world, resetting its tint. Colours aren't just "not vibrant", they aren't colours anymore, just ... sigh, you don't even know. Don't have the energy or the will to troll the brain looking for a suitable adjective. To choose. Anything!

"She’ll say, “Jonathan, what you thinking?” and I tell her everything
Even if sometimes I’m scared to tell her, and I know it’s gonna sting
If that’s too much for her, and she turns cold as ice
That’s okay, I believe in tellin’ the truth, and I’m willing to pay the price
And she’s gonna, she’s gonna respect me."
By some dude called Jonathon Richman, in an article by some dude called Jefferey Lewis

I'm doing more--blogging, talking, karate, setting up guitar lessons, reading some good stuff, adding to the BOMB list--and it feels GOOD!!


Tired...but good!